did you get engaged???
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
