I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
