My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
