remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
