i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
