Is it normal to miss your booty call?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
