You made me cry and you don't even care
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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