he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
