hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
