went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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