your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
