i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude i'm inner monologue high
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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