Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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