i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
