My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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