can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
