There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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