I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
