So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
