So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
