I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
