omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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