there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
