Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Let the clothes fall where they may.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
