if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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