I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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