ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
