She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
