CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
