And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize