I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
