i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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