Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
