mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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