dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
