Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
