i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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