there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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