I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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