considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so let's talk penis.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
