I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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