Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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