Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I love you.
Bad choice
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