I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
