okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
