If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize