you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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