I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
