I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
