you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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