Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
