I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
