Kiss
Puke
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
