I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
