i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
how does that bad decision feel?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
