Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
