where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
