: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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