I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize