The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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