At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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