Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
