I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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