I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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