Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
