i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
