Tell her she can't have a vagina
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
