You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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