Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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