i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Randomize
