Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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