I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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