Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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