She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
