you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
