We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Damn victory sex feels great
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
