His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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