Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
of course. lets lasso hookers.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
