K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
