Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
