Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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