Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
