Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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