Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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