I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize