U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
