I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
