you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
