is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
