In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
