Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
did i just pee glitter
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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