I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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