Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
