I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
