just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
