How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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